


The Family We Choose

by wingsdestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel in the Bunker, Fluff, Jealous Dean, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Unrequited Castiel/Hannah (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 12:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4100719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingsdestiel/pseuds/wingsdestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean thinks something happened between Cas and Hannah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Family We Choose

Cas has seemed pretty down lately, and as much as Dean likes to avoid conversations that could get too serious too quickly, he can’t stand that Cas is so droopy. So one morning in the bunker, while he’s drinking his coffee and Cas is sulking at the table, he just asks him.

“Cas, buddy, what’s up with you lately?”

“Nothing, Dean. I’m fine.”

“No, come on. You’ve barely said anything for the past few days.”

“I’m not a very talkative being,” Cas says, keeping his eyes downcast.

“Alright, but you usually have _something_ to say to me, at least.” Dean sets his coffee mug down on the table and sits down next to Cas. “Or to Sammy. You didn’t even geek out with him over the research he was doing last night. You’re all broody.”

Cas sighs. “If my presence disturbs you, Dean, I will go elsewhere.” He starts to get up from his chair, but Dean places a hand on his shoulder and gently pushes him back down. 

“No, it’s not that. I want you here. I just – it worries me that you’re so quiet. So what’s going on, man?”

“It’s nothing you can help me with,” he says.

Dean feels a rush of disappointment at that. But at least they’re getting somewhere. “Well, even if I can’t help, maybe I can at least know what’s happening? I’m feeling kinda out of the loop.”

Cas sighs again, that full-body sigh he always does, the one that Dean secretly thinks is adorable. “I miss the company of other angels,” Cas says. “Having Hannah around, even if it was just for a short time, reminded me of what it was like to be around my family.”

Dean nods and does his best to hide the fact that he’s hurt by Cas’ words. Aren’t _they_ , he and Sam, Cas’ family? Apparently not.

“I know what you’re thinking, Dean,” Cas says. “And of course, I consider you family as well. But please try to understand that for millennia, I had another family. And over time I have grown separated from them – in part, due to my own choices. I enjoy your and Sam’s company very much. But it’s painful to know that I may never have another angel as a companion.”

It makes sense. Cas is an extremely powerful, intelligent being. He may _like_ being around Dean, but of course it won’t be the same as talking to an equal. Dean feels something within him deflating, and tries to ignore it. 

“You know, Hannah wasn’t that great.” The words seem to come out before Dean can even put them together in his head. “She asked you to give up your army, remember? And to kill me.”

Cas frowns. “She was misguided at the time, as many of my siblings have been, myself included.”

“That’s right, you call her your sister. That makes it even weirder.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dude, she had a huge crush on you. Even when she was bossing you around, I could tell. You didn’t know?” 

A soft blush rises to Cas’ cheeks. “I may have had… suspicions,” he says, and Dean definitely doesn’t want to know where he got those. Just the thought of her trying to put moves on Cas makes Dean feel like he needs to either vomit or throw something. Maybe both.

“Well, it’s weird that she’s your sister and she’s all in love with you or whatever,” he says. He hopes he’s imagining the slight quiver in his own voice. 

“Dean, that’s a matter of language. Our words for one another in Enochian have no English translation; sibling is the closest, but is still not quite accurate.” 

“Oh,” Dean says. Now he really doesn’t have much of an argument.

“In any case, I don’t see how Hannah’s possible feelings for me are relevant.” 

“So you don’t… you know… like her back?” Dean knows he sounds like a fourteen-year-old. He also doesn’t care. He’s just sick of not knowing, of the question hanging over his head. 

“No, Dean, and again, I don’t see how this is – Wait a minute. Are you _jealous_?” Cas looks as if someone’s just told him that his entire existence has been a giant hallucination.

“No. No no no. No,” Dean says a little too quickly.

“You are,” Cas says, and _holy shit_ , is that a smile? Dean wants to crawl under the table.

“No,” he repeats, as if that will help his case. He looks down at the table, studying the patterns in the wood.

“Dean, I am simply mourning the loss of my relationship with my own species. Why are you taking it so personally?” There’s no anger in his voice. It’s an honest question.

Suddenly there’s a hand under Dean’s chin, lifting it up, and he’s staring into those chilling blue eyes. It’s now or never.

“Sometimes I worry,” Dean says, “that I’m not as important to you as you are to me.” Even as he forces the words out, he realizes how ridiculous they sound. Cas has died for him. He’s been cast out of heaven for him. Hell, he and Sam are the whole reason Cas has to mourn. He and Sam are the whole reason he’s stuck in this stupid bunker, cut off from the garrison, trapped with humanity forever. _Always willing to bleed for the Winchesters._

Castiel’s hand slides up to cup Dean’s cheek. Dean’s heart hammers in his chest at the tender contact. “I would do everything again the same way,” Cas says, “except for the parts when I hurt you and Sam.”

Against his will, Dean’s eyes fill with tears, which he quickly blinks away.

“I don’t regret choosing you, Dean,” Cas continues. “I’m just sorry that I had to choose. Because it _is_ painful, knowing that I can never go back to heaven. But I would choose you again every time. And not just because I believe it was the right thing to do, but because I want to. What good would free will be to me if I only did things out of obligation?”

Dean is relieved. Cas doesn’t see him as some debt he has to pay off. But he also feels like a dick. He reaches up to pull Cas’ hand away from his face, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach that ensues when their hands touch. “I’m sorry, Cas, this was supposed to be about you and why you’re upset.” _I made it about me, like I always do._

“This conversation was not entirely fruitless for me,” Cas says. “You weren’t just jealous of angels in general. You were specifically jealous of Hannah…"

Busted.

Cas narrows his eyes. “…specifically because you thought she and I might have had feelings for one another.”

Double busted. “Cas, I – ”

“I thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

A faint smile forms on Cas’ lips. “An angel rebels against all of heaven for you, and you never think it might be more than just camaraderie?”

Waves of vertigo hit as soon as he understands what Cas is trying to say. “You – ” is all he can get out before he’s gripping the edge of the table.

“Perhaps I should have acquired an admirer sooner. I didn’t realize it would take jealousy to make you say something.”

Dean is tempted to point out that technically he hasn’t _said_ anything, he hasn’t confessed his undying love, it’s just that he’s so damn easy to read that he didn’t really have a chance of hiding it. Besides, he’s still finding it difficult enough to breathe, let alone speak.

“It’s okay, Dean. We can talk about it when you’re ready.”

“Okay,” he manages to get out. “So are you alright?”

Cas seems to consider it for a moment. “I think I am.”

Dean nods and takes a sip of his coffee, which has gone cold. “Well, if you’re ever, you know, not alright, you know where to find me.”

Cas smiles. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean gets up from the table, takes a deep breath, and presses a kiss to Cas’ forehead. _I love you more than those assholes ever could, anyway._ He looks back over his shoulder as he leaves the room, and Cas is still smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for on-the-wings-of-cas on tumblr.


End file.
